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Romulus81
21-06-2006, 03:00 PM
*Please note, this was written by a friend of mine who has not got internet. I told him about this grand site, and he asked if i could post it here*


Birth of a Legion

The Emperor, encased in his golden throne, was lead by his precious machine god for millennia before his near demise, but in opting to sustain his life within his tomb he had diverted his soul from the wheel of life. He would soon find that this sustenance of life was not in the grand scheme of what his so called master had devised. Perhaps in time I would open his eyes to his deity?s true nature as mine had been eons before.

A long time had passed since I last took centre stage in the games of those pulling the strings. My form had continued to warp over the years and had become something akin to that of my long deceased brethren and former sarafen priests. But now, with the knowledge I retained, I was just as able to pull on these mortal puppet?s strings as any false god.

Vampires, though sparse, had been outcast by all in this battle torn future. Distrusted by the Astartes race, and seeming to bare some immunities to there genetic manipulation techniques, the few remnants of the once proud Vampiric race turned to the order of chaos for guidance but found only disgust and, in most cases, eternal damnation. Could my previous delusions of posing as the scion of balance have imprisoned my blood line in solitude? In any case It would appear that being removed from the wheel was a blessing that was shunned by many gods? or possibly one that dictated all sides of the playing field.

I remembered back to that fateful day an age ago when I saw the puppeteer itself for what it was. The so called hub of the wheel, a grotesque monstrosity who had destined all to the cycle of birth, death and rebirth. He controlled the blinded of humanity to his bidding and set plans across eternity for his own gluttonous benefit.

Focusing back on the task at hand I neared a clearing from the dark cave like crevice I had hidden myself and poised behind a rocky outcrop as a marine apothecary went about his business retrieving his fallen comrade?s gene-seed near by. The enhancements that were used in the creation of space marines had usually preserved them from my own form of initiation bar for one certain chapter. Those who were to become the blood drinkers had felt my fate laced with its unquenchable thirst after inheriting genes infected with my dark gift however there other numerous alterations had maintained their loyalty to there emperor. Perhaps those that had been raped of such obstructions could be revived to obey my command if I could just remain hidden long enough.

?You! Who goes there??

I turned slowly, a sneer ready across my face, to the marine as he ordered gruffly beneath his unmistakable blue armour.

?I order you in the name of the Emperor explain yourself.?

sweeping passed the ultramarine troop swiftly I gripped his arm before he could finish his sentence and forced it up to his throat as I used my other arm to stifle his ventilation from behind him. I leaned in closer and gently whispered into his mechanically replaced ear.

?The emperor you say? Why would I obey a command from one such as he? One deluded enough to believe in such hypocrisy as a machine god?

The marine quickly jolted forwards sending me flying over his shoulder and crashing into the clammy rock surface I?d previously been using for cover. I collapsed surrounded by a heap of crumbled stone before quickly leaping to my feet with a snarl. The blow would have caused the shattering of bones for any human but my anguish was more from the inane sense of foolishness I felt at being so clumsy as to forget the raw power of a space marine. Even those of a low rank such as this had the physical strength to match my own.

************************************************** **

I\'d love to know what you guys think

Post edited by: romulus81, at: 2006/06/21 16:19

Post edited by: romulus81, at: 2006/06/21 16:20

The Dim Reaper
21-06-2006, 06:09 PM
Whooo Vampires!!!! ;)

I liked this a lot actually, very creepy and odd but I can\'t really tell who the main character is under all these cryptic remarks.

Is he a Vampire? Or a servent of Tzeentch? We know he\'s not a Space MArine even though the title suggests otherwise.

Enlighten me would you?

And tell your friend to keep writing because I\'m enjoying this.

Cheers,

Dim

Romulus81
21-06-2006, 07:25 PM
Thanks for taking the time to read it Dim, I know as much as you, I really liked it and told him to write more! It definatly is something vampiric as he is a big fan of kain and of course 40K. I will let him know what you wrote.:)

As soon as he can he will join this site!

P.S Kudos to Admin, Mods and of course all the members for making this a great place to spend a few hours of my day. I hope to be posting more!! Just been playing and painting alot;)

Indra
22-06-2006, 01:13 AM
Nice bit of fan fiction here. I think that your mate better sign up and soon. Honestly? nice dark undertones, and a real sense of arrogance from the protgonist. I liked it a lot.

saustin
22-06-2006, 02:51 AM
What is he doing? why is he there? questions leave me wanting more, like a vampire that craves blood ;) . Nice opening feel a bit sorry for the vampire really, if ignorance is bliss this guy\'s in hell! five thumbs up.

Dracule
23-06-2006, 04:37 AM
Wow thanks for all your comments guys... Romulus twisted my arm to come on and I gotta say I\'m pleased as punch that you all like it so much.

All the questions you have will be answered when I get around to doing more research and finishing the first chapter.

Feel free to give any criticism if there are bits you feel could be improved.

Indra
23-06-2006, 05:08 AM
Thats why we\'re here, you give you the crit you desire. Post away matey, I still liked it a lot.

:)

Dracule
23-06-2006, 07:26 AM
Thanks guys.

My two biggest problems are a name for the main character and a name for the army he will soon create (see pics here http://www.astronomican.com/index.php?option=com_joomlaboard&func=view&id=1130 6&catid=13#11306 )

I was thinking of using legion of Lahmia for the army title as I believe that is where the warhammer classic vamps came from but it doesn\'t feel right.

Any suggestions for either are welcomed of course;)

Your kind words have got me writing some more and I reworked the initial bit slightly as well to suit my future plans for the fic.
I would get into it more but I need to research... the history of space marines chaos and vamps which all play a vital role in my story are so deep that I\'m getting a bit lost :blink:

[EDIT]
I know double posting is frowned upon in most forums so heres my update on the story so far.
Its just a re-write of the original post but it is drastically re-written (I\'ve got much more but I wouldn\'t wanna spoil it for ya)

Enjoy...

Birth of a Legion

CH1: Last of his Kind.

The Emperor of the Imperium, now encased in his golden throne, had been proclaimed a god among many groups before his near demise at the hands of his son, Horus. However, in opting to sustain his life within his tomb like throne, he had diverted his soul from its natural cycle and retained his soul from its intended reciprocator. He would find out soon enough that his sustenance of life was not in the grand scheme of what the gods, he?d chosen to deal with, had devised.

A long time had passed since a vampire last took centre stage in the games of mortals. They had watched avidly from the sidelines, on the planet now known as Terra, as intergalactic wars played out before them in all there apocalyptic glory. Vampires had been outcast by all in this battle torn future. Disregarded as mere myths by the Imperium, who thanks to there continuing advancements in technology, now had no fear of these fierce predators, the few remnants of the remaining clans turned to the order of chaos for guidance but found only torment and, in most cases, eternal damnation from the daemonic gods. Could there own immortality have imprisoned there entire bloodline into solitude? In any case it would appear that being removed from the wheel of life was a blessing that was shunned by many gods? Or possibly one that dictated all sides of the playing field.

The ?improvements? that had created the human sub species the Astartes had given many humans not only a strength and agility to match there blood drinking enemies but also certain immunities to their form of gentle persuasion and, as the last decaying remains of the once great Vampiric race diminished, they took to Feeding on the lowest forms of life from the shadows in order to survive. Such humble desperation had changed the last of their kind and, as humanity swept his brethren from the board Dracule, the last known vampire of Terra, had begun to both decay and evolve.

Focusing back to his objective Dracule turned to a clearing from the dark crevice he had hidden himself in for the past few days and poised behind the rocky outcrop ahead of him while a marine apothecary went about his business. A vigorous battle had ensued days ago and this had been the first spot he had found that had remained safe for longer then the blink of an eye since that time.

Favouring avoidance over confrontation had reluctantly become second nature as a single vampire, no matter how powerful, was no match against entire armies of any race and, though the scurrying around and constant hiding sickened him greatly, it did allow for hours of contemplation and planning. The Apothecary appeared to be retrieving a fallen comrade?s gene-seed, as was customary for those that had injuries too severe for repair. After witnessing this ritual, entitled ?The Emperor\'s peace?, performed many times from a distance it had occurred to the vampire that if the enhancements that were used in the creation of a space marine had preserved them from his own form of initiation then maybe it would be possible for those that had been raped of such obstructions? Provided he could remain hidden for long enough.

?You! Who goes there??

Dracule turned slowly to the marine, a sneer ready across his decayed face, as he ordered gruffly beneath his unmistakable blue armour.

?I order you in the name of the Emperor explain yourself??

The stealthy vampire swept past the ultramarine troop taking on an almost mist like state and swiftly gripping his opponents left arm, from behind him, before he could finish his sentence and forced it up to his throat. Wedging his forearm into the marines windpipe, he locked this position to stifle his ventilation, and leaned in closer to his mechanically replaced ear to gently whisper.

?The emperor you say? Why would I obey a command from one such as he? One deluded enough as to deny the existence of a higher being even in the face of chaos?.

The marine quickly jolted forwards sending the foolish undead flying over his shoulder and crashing into the clammy rock surface he had previously been using for cover. Dracule collapsed surrounded by a heap of crumbled stone before quickly leaping to his feet with a snarl. The collision would have caused the shattering of bones for any human but Dracule?s anguish was more due to the sense of foolishness he felt for being so clumsy as to forget the raw power of a space marine. Even those of a low rank such as this had the physical strength to match his own and more importantly more firepower.

The marine began to idle closer as he reached for his bolter and began to speak into his communicator, gun pointed steadily at his attacker?s head.

?Commander I have something? It doesn?t appear to be human but? Something?s strange about this one. Requesting back up.?

As the communicator crackled off into silence, Dracule pulled his tattered cloak around him and grimaced at the thought of facing an entire unit of marines.
The single Space Marine, unfazed by the vampires mutated form, quickly re-aimed at his direction just in time to see him vanish from site.

Post edited by: crucible, at: 2006/07/02 13:01

Post edited by: crucible, at: 2006/07/02 13:06